When we think about a relationship in the traditional sense of it, we often picture the state of completeness and realisation of one’s dream. The original flavour associated with a relationship is gradually being eroded by threats of abuse. Recent global prevalence figures indicate that 1 in 3 (35%) of women worldwide have experienced one kind of abuse or the other, making a true definition of love senseless to aspiring youths. Abuse is not a gender issue, men suffer abuse as well as women, but women are more on the receiving end.
The abusers and the abused have changed the true meaning of love to suit their situations: seeing love as being blind, full of imperfection, forgiveness and endurance that has no limit. This notion has sustained the crime of abuse going on unnoticed or being endured for a much longer time, even till death. What love is and represents can never be changed, it is ‘assiduously working hard to make sure that someone you love is truly happy mentally and physically no matter what happens or is involved’. A relationship is a partnership, the two people involved must be equally passionate about making it to work.
It is so scaring knowing the full meaning of what abuse in a relationship truly is. Abuse is mentally or physically inflicting injury to the vulnerable which is capable of killing the victim slowly. The worst part of it is that the victim is the only person that has the power to set himself or herself free from this self-declared imprisonment. Why? because all the voices of reasons around at this particular point in time are all unreasonable. Even when it seem to be reasonable, social stigmatisation, complicated legal process, marriage cultural rights, religious injunctions, self-pity, the involvement of kids, uncertainty of tomorrow and the total dependence status of the victim keeps them in the dark.
●10 signs to know when you are into abusive relationship
1. Being Possessive: When there is a constant demand for an attention, always want you to be at home even when he/she is not home, demands so much explanation when you have to meet your friends and family, delight in complaining that you are back home late from work even when you have consistently exhausted every genuine reason on your disposal, Always interested in knowing where you are and what you are doing at any particular point in time, you have a lot of job explaining every missed call you never answered, accusing you of having opposite sex friends and even demanding that you get an approval for your daily life activities.
2. The word of one person is final in a relationship: Completeness is the characteristics of being in a relationship, it provides the opportunity of having good quality decisions because two good head is better than one. When decisions that affect the relationship, home and future are taken arbitrarily without minding feelings and contribution of a partner. When decisions come as a promulgation instead of a dialogue, and you receive a stern warning if there is any push to have an inclusive opinion. If your expressions, thoughts and ideas are totally suppressed, something is breeding in.
3. Out off control rage: The loving words of your mouth gradually become repugnant, the sights of your sweet face becomes irritative. He/she flames in any slightest provocation. All your actions, gift, caring and loving words become questionable and comes into the attack. What you knew that pleases him/her now becomes a quick way to upset him/her as long as you are the person doing it.
4. Complaints about your looks: Never see anything attractive about you anymore. Complains everything about your looks, dressing, comportment and ability with a target of making you feel pity for yourself. Successfully debasing your identity and value gives you a good reason to endure, and gives him/her the opportunity to continue the abuse non-stop.
5. Use of harsh words: Use of harsh words on you becomes his/her trademark. You suddenly become a witch affecting his career, a slut for having opposite sex friends, a lazy person that never do well, a dullard that cannot compete, too old to find a partner – doing you a favour by being in relationship with you, reminding you how wretched you were before meeting each other, cursing your family etc.
6. Weakness turns to a weapon of attack: A relationship is a partnership that combines strength to present a formidable striking force. There is an element of abuse when a partner makes news out of your weakness and uses your past mistakes as a subject of attack to your personality. He/she never see anything good you can contribute any more to the successful building of your relationship and life.
7. Use of Isolation as a punishment: Travelling out of the town without a prior discussion becomes a new normal, you only know about the travel on the phone. There is always a reason to stay out late or not coming back home till the next morning, Frequently travels away to make sure that you are physically and emotionally separated from each other. Always keep distant away from you, to make sure that you feel the associated pains. In the worst cases, plans and relocate to a distant city alone, using work and business related issues as an excuse. All these actions are aimed at keeping a distant away from you and creating an unnecessary fear and tension in the relationship.
8. Control of your personal finances: Apart from living up to your financial duties at home, they demand to know more about your personal finance. How you make and spend money becomes a critical issue to them. Always put you in a spotlight how you are not doing well financially, you suddenly become a subject of comparative analysis.
9. Ignoring basic responsibility: They start neglecting their basic responsibility to keep you in a constant lack aimed at subduing your ego and making you to totally agrees on whatever he/she wants.
10. Blaming game: You becomes a topic of negative discussion when with family and friends. Blames you for the troubles and problems the relationship is going through. Never accept any wrong doing but presents him/herself as the perfect person while you are the trouble brewer. Persistently pushing you to accept your fault.
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