There is no day that passes by without hearing someone talking about their terrible experiences in their marriages. It has become so funny that things meant only for two married couples are frequently shared with family and friends. In the marriage, problems must come. Holding on, pushing for a reconciliation could sustain the relationship for a lifetime. Marriage is an institution created to last forever, the partners are the co-builders that should always target building it to last forever. This means that they should not allow common frivolities to disintegrate what suppose to be their lifetime project.
When people often talk about the troubles in their marriage, one question always comes to my mind, “does any strong marriage devoid of troubles and problems exist”?. Smart couples have devoted their time and strength solving problems than complaining about it. This has made them better, stronger and happier every day in their marriages. Achieving a happy marriage is a responsibility, never a wish. We don’t need to pile up heaps of offences that will definitely make the marriage smell foul to our bearing.
Marriage is the union of two different philosophical ideas with a diverse cultural understanding. Partners involved are of different parental tutorship background. And most important, the persons involved have their different level of psychological egoism, so how do we expect the union to be perfect? What brought marriage to existence is the initial commitment of love, the only way to maintain the commitment is to work. To keep the union stronger and on-track, conscious roles have to be played.
It is true that there are several abusive relationships out there, their degenerating signs are many and cannot be condoned with. But sometimes we make a hurried decision in abandoning the marriage without putting a measurable effort to make it work. Anything worth having does not worth giving up so easily without a genuine fight. That is what being a man stand for. Doing your best to keep the marriage together is important. Divorce and forceful separation are common in our generation now. If men play their roles well in the marriage, it will drastically reduce the rising statistics of divorce in the society. The 10 roles men must play to save their Marriage are:
1. Don’t Scream at your partner:
It is quite understandable that screaming does not pass across any meaningful message. Just like the high pitch cry of a baby, it is harsh, tense, sharp and does not comfort the emotional state of any sane person. Screaming to a partner is a verbal abuse. It makes the foundation of a marriage deteriorate fast. Screaming at her in the public is unacceptable. Especially in the presence of friends and family will only make her feel inferior of herself. She will be belittled by others using your judgement. The flavours that make the marriage strong is love, affection and respect. Screaming at her sour these flavours. If the confident she has diminishes as a result of the constant yelling, her passionate love, affection and respect will as well drop down flat.
It is your responsibility as a man to get across a message to your wife in a meaningful way. No matter how frustrating a situation might be, don’t get it on her. She is a part of the solution, not the problem. Communicating rather than screaming will get no one hurt. It will only help you to avoid cooking troubles that will disintegrate the marriage.
2. Don’t Cheat on Her:
Cheating is a done deal breaker of a marriage. It is capable of making her be in a constant fear of losing the man she truly loves. Cheating triggers a depression for her and can destroy the marriage sex-life as it may hugely affect her libido. Cheating occurs when you give part of your emotion and physical attention to someone else who does not really deserve it. The dark cloud of cheating mostly rises when there is a problem in a relationship and the partners are not communicating to the level of dealing with it.
Whatsoever the problem that is crippling the relationship is never a good reason to cheat on her. Cheating breaks up woman’s trust , crashes her confidence for a man. It creates more troubles in a relationship that will take a longer time to heal only if it is adequately managed. It is only handful partners successfully comes out stronger in their marriage after going through cheating.
3. Don’t Deny Her Sex:
What makes a marriage better, sweeter, exciting, assuring, renewing, stronger and binding is sex. A study has shown that active sexual life opens our heart to love. Sex enables us to achieve a bliss of mind, relieves pains and lowers daily life stress. These are the things you deny her when you avoided having sex with her. The major responsibility of a man in a marriage is making sure that her wife is sexually satisfied.
4. Don’t be disrespectful to Her:
If you are fond of disrespecting your wife especially in the public places, you are deliberately fueling unhappiness in your marriage. Making an ugly gesture or displaying a bad facial expression in reaction to what she says or do in the public is simply disrespectful. No one knows it all, allow her views to be heard. Always put her into consideration when deciding issues that will affect her life as well.
5. Don’t Keep Secrets:
Ending all secrets in a marriage is a sure secret way of sustaining a trust-worthy relationship. You don’t need to be nervous about her reaction when you need to share some hard truth with her. Allowing her to dig it out by herself might have far worst consequences. Don’t mind what she might feel knowing the truth, her anger will not last forever. Sharing secrets bring trust and create open-minded relationships.
6. Appreciate Her all the Time:
You might wonder why she picks a quarrel with you sometimes on non-serious issues. Women are like that sometimes, they want to be appreciated. No one is happy when your good effort is not appreciated. It is not easy being a mother, taking care of the house chores, looking after a grown husband and making sure everyone’s needs are met. What a woman needs to revitalise her strength and keep her spirit fresh in attending to her demanding duties is appreciation. Appreciating her with your time, gift and admiring her beauty makes her happy. Helping her out in house chores will go a long way in strengthening her and keeping your bond with her stronger.
7. Love Her with all Your Strength
Most of the world culture and religion believes that submissiveness and obedience are the primary duty of a woman in a relationship. It is important to know that what makes this notion real is love. A woman being obedient and submissive to her husband is unconditional, unnegotiable but it is the duty of the man to create a conducive environment for it to thrive. Love creates a conducive environment that makes a woman to discharge her marital duties without any undue stress.
8. Don’t compare Her with other Woman:
Comparing your wife with other women out there is the beginning of a conflict in the marriage. It is simply telling her that she is not good enough or you have done her favour by marrying her. This brings insecurity and lowers her self-esteem. Being secured in a relationship is more than money. She needs to be reassured every day of your love and care. Complimenting her beauty, hard work, shape and intellect works wonders in keeping the marriage stronger. Reminding her what she lacks through deadly comparison will make her fall short of her responsibilities. Let her know that the world is beautiful because she made it so. This will go a long way in boosting her confidence and love for you.
9. Be Proud of Her:
Being proud of your wife at any given time is the way to bring out the best in her. Her heart will always be glad whenever she listens you discussing with your friends and family how wonderful a cook she is, how she is the perfect mother of your kids, how she have helped you a lot in strengthening your finances through cutting down your reckless spending habit. Talk more about her fitness, hobbies and smartness in dealing with things. I bet, you will have a smarter wife dedicated working out a smile on your face. Nothing makes a woman happier knowing that you feel so proud to call her your wife.
10. Talk more:
Communication is by far the best tool to keep marriage stronger, together and working. Sometimes men have some frustrating issues ranging from work to family life that is capable of shutting down their emotions. This happens, it is quite understandable but always find time to explain things to her.
Let your wife always be on the top chart of your daily communication. Whatsapp and call her at any given free time while you are at work. It is helpful in sharing and sorting out issues capable of causing troubles in the marriage. Talking about it before it happens is the best diagnostic tool to solve marital issues. That is exactly what communication does.